Is God into home remodeling? Is the Presbyterian minister who married Drew and his love still in the profession? Is Sandra Bullock a Southern Baptist minister in drag? Hey, God, can you hear Drew now?
By Drew Gallagher
A pastor in Denver recently admitted that he and his wife stole about $1.3 million from their parishioners through the selling of a form of crypto currency that had no discernible value (unless you’re playing Scrabble where CRYPTO is worth 13 points). Much of the money fleeced from his flock was put toward a home remodel. A pastor in Denver recently admitted that he and his wife stole about $1.3 million from their parishioners through the selling of a form of crypto currency that had no discernible value (unless you’re playing Scrabble where CRYPTO is worth 13 points). Much of the money fleeced from his flock was put toward a home remodel.
While I would love to think that crypto currency scams and men of the cloth stealing money from those who worship with them are rare, I’ve been told by actress Sandra Bullock through Facebook that those are indeed common occurrences, and if I send her $2,000 she’ll fly to Fredericksburg and help me develop an awareness for avoiding such scams and the artists who ply them.While I would love to think that crypto currency scams and men of the cloth stealing money from those who worship with them are rare, I’ve been told by actress Sandra Bullock through Facebook that those are indeed common occurrences, and if I send her $2,000 she’ll fly to Fredericksburg and help me develop an awareness for avoiding such scams and the artists who ply them.
What makes the Denver scam unique is that the pastor claims God told him to go ahead with the home remodel. The transcripts of his conversations with God have not been released, so until those transcripts are made public, I have lots of questions. What makes the Denver scam unique is that the pastor claims God told him to go ahead with the home remodel. The transcripts of his conversations with God have not been released, so until those transcripts are made public, I have lots of questions.
Though I am not a religious man, I certainly appreciate religion and the impact it has on many of those who are near and dear to me. My beloved grandmother is 103 years-old and goes to church every Sunday. Though I am not a religious man, I certainly appreciate religion and the impact it has on many of those who are near and dear to me. My beloved grandmother is 103 years-old and goes to church every Sunday.
I am non-denominational in my appreciation of religion and the religious. I was even allowed to marry in the Presbyterian church after participating in a weeks-long course with Pastor Mike. At the end of the course, the Pastor asked where God was in your heart as it related to a modest brick rancher … metaphorically. I’m not sure what the “right” answer was to the God-in-your-house-question, but I’m confident that my answer was an outlier based upon the groan my answer elicited from my wife.
With as much delicacy as I could muster, I explained to Pastor Mike that God was not in actual residency at my house and was best described as a neighbor down the street. But, in what I thought of as a generous aside, I told the Pastor that I would let God borrow my rake if he ever needed one for lawn maintenance.
With having relatively no background in religion, I’m not familiar with the presentation of prayer to a divine entity. So is a request for crown molding in the dining room something a pastor tacks on to the end of a litany of other wishes for his flock?
Please Dear Lord, let Mr. Murphy’s gout clear up in time for him to defend his title in the 5K Trot for Triumph in the men’s 51-55 age group, and clear up little Betty Jo’s impetigo in time for the youth retreat at Lake Marie. Lastly, as your humble servant, I would ask that the crypto currency I’m selling to these good people has value, so I can get crown molding in the dining room to help with the house’s overall transition to farm rustic and my lovely wife shuts her pie hole.
Or is this type of prayer or dialogue done in the privacy of the pastor’s home, in desperate need of a remodel, while the wife and kids try to distract themselves by watching “Veggie Tales” on Netflix?
“Where’s Daddy?”
“He’s upstairs communing with the Lord.”
“Does that mean he’s pooping?”
“No, he’s in private dialogue with the Prince of Peace.”
“Does this mean we are getting an inground pool?”
“Only if the good Lord is willing. And the pool is only if there is money left after Mommy gets her sacramental wine cellar.”
And do the plans for a heaven-directed remodel have to be submitted for God’s approval? Does God require three estimates like some insurance companies do? Is God partial to earthen tones only found in the nature he created?
I feel sorry for the subcontractors on the project who have to ask for a supplement due to an uptick in material costs because of supply chain interruptions. You might think it’s difficult to get your homeowners insurance claims adjuster to approve a price increase, but that adjuster in the cubicle with a dying fern plant is far more sympathetic to your plight when it comes to shipping delays in the Strait of Hormuz.
All joking aside, people have been defrauded by a man who swore an oath to God, and unless he did the bathrooms and kitchen he’ll never recoup that money in the sale of the house.
This all could have been avoided if the parishioners had simply friended Sandra Bullock on Facebook and sent her money to fly to Denver.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE FROM THE MIDWEST: After it was widely reported that God had told the pastor to remodel his home, the pastor sheepishly admitted that he may have misheard God, which raises even more questions.
When he called God, was he at the top of the black diamond slope with a bad signal and only one bar? I understand that God is an imposing figure and probably busy with famine and making sure the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, so you may not want him to repeat himself, but what else sounds like “home remodel”?
And how is it that Moses can get Ten Commandments from God on Mount Sinai 3,500 years ago, and yet with all of our modern technology we have pastors rolling out a form of crypto currency without making sure they’ve heard the divine word correctly? Must have had Verizon.
